Can You Forgive Anyone as Easily as You Can Forget to Laugh at a Bad Joke?
A few weeks ago I wrote a joke about an interrupting cow. Here’s a link to that post http://wp.me/p2sm3J-Fw If you went to the site and this is the first time that you heard of the joke, you probably laughed. If it was only the second time, you may have only chuckled a little. However, any more than that and you would have probably just rolled your eyes and said that old joke again.
Why is it that we don’t react the same way with bad things that happen to us? Why is it that we relive and agonize over the bad things that happen to us and yet, but we tend to forget those things that are good? Why can’t we just forgive both ourselves and those around us and let go of the emotions just as readily as we do the emotions we feel when we hear a joke?
The truth is, we don’t have to hold onto the agony we feel when we have hurt ourselves emotionally or others have hurt us. We can learn to forgive in much the same way that we dismiss the emotion related to an old joke.
If I experience a situation where I discover that I am hanging onto the feelings that I blame someone else for something that has happened to me and I feel unforgiveness, I have to first make the decision that I am going to forgive that person. If I am harboring unforgiveness, I know that since I seldom feel that way, it will be a hard thing for me to overcome. Forgiveness- we stop laughing at jokes that we have heard before, so why do we continue to rehash and become emotional about things that have a negative impact on our lives? Whether its forgiveness of ourselves or forgiveness of others, it’s something that will improve our lives, but how do we do it? Forgiveness doesn’t have to be difficult.
Take Pity on the Offender
One of the most powerful tools that I use when trying to forgive someone is to see that person as a victim first. Much of the time people who hurt people are hurting people. A bully becomes a bully because he was bullied in some way. I start out by saying aloud, “I feel sorry for this person because he/she was hurting. I pity this person.”
I make it a point to feel the pity. I don’t have to understand why. I just need to believe that this person was a victim before I was. Just by feeling this pity toward this person, I have taken the pain an\ put it back on thp person who tried to put it on me. Once that happens, I see that person in a different light.
Every time I think about that person, and I start feeling angry, I try to remember that this person is a victim. I then remember to feel sorry for him. I then am able to see that person as the victim and I have to forgive. That person didn’t realize what he/she was doing to himself. Eventually I change the pity into compassion. I am no longer the victim. I take my power back. I am a victor.
I Use This Principle and It Works!
A couple of years ago a co-worker’s husband stole my debit card from my purse and put charges on it. I had insurance at my bank, so my main concern wasn’t the loss of the money, but maintaining the relationship with the co-worker. Once I was sure that he was the guilty party, I went to the co-worker and explained to her the evidence and that I had to press charges or the insurance company would not cover me. I told her I had no ill-will against her husband. I later told him the same over the phone. He ended up on probation because of what he did and I saved the relationship with the co-worker because I recognized that the young man was the real victim, not I.
Something similar happened a couple weeks ago when someone stole my truck radio. This time there was no insurance, and I don’t know who took it, but I refuse to be the victim here either. Whoever took it has far worse problems than I do from losing the radio. I sincerely hope that someday this person gets the help he needs too.
In Living Today, The Power of Now, you will not only know about how to forgive, but you’ll learn about how to properly use “yesterday thinking” and “tomorrow thinking” can improve everything you do today. Pre-order a copy of this short book. Get it in print http://www.lulu.com/shop/cygnet-brown/living-today-the-power-of-now/paperback/product-23261831.html or on Kindle .https://www.amazon.com/dp/B072WFW3HZ
I can forgive and turn it over; I won’t, however,forget. Burn me once, ………